cameoamalthea:

caterfree10:

minuialeth75:

shipping-isnt-morality:

There’s no such thing as a “healthy” ship.

Ships aren’t food, they’re not exercise, they’re not even a nonfiction book or a classic novel. A steady diet of LGBT+ ships with no age or power gap won’t make you emotionally or mentally any healthier. It won’t teach you about how actual relationships work and it won’t prevent you from getting into an unhealthy relationship.

Unhealthy ships won’t ruin you. They won’t corrupt you, they won’t destroy your understanding of actual healthy relationships or erode your morality.

Your fictional diet isn’t your actual diet. There’s no organic vegan gluten-free ship that will fix a single goddamn thing.

Relax. Enjoy yourself. Read whatever fiction fascinates you, tantalizes you, engages you. The content doesn’t matter much for your health, but the joy it brings you might.

they won’t destroy your understanding of actual healthy relationships 
Yet, I can’t help but worry when I overhear young girls/women saying “I hope I find my Christian Grey one day!”

Hey man, speaking as someone who once wanted the Phantom to my Christine, you know what knocked me out of that mindset? One part growing up (I was in middle school at the time), one part education of what healthy relationships looked like. Not ship shaming, not being harassed or doxxed, but being taught in good faith.

Would appreciate people growing a brain abt this tbh.

Pointing out why a dynamic is unhealthy and using that as a spring board to talk about what unhealthy relationships look like and how to recognize abuse is a good thing.

I loved all things vampires in High School and was among the first people to get into Twilight since I’m from Phoenix and the author was promoted as “local”.

And I loved Twilight! The fantasy of being special, of being the most important thing in someone’s world, of being protected but also in danger. Of being with a dangerious older mysterious guy, but being safe with him because you’re special. I loved it.

Then I read an essay “Edward Cullen Abusive Boyfriend” posted on Gaia Online and I stopped and thought about it. Then Eclipse came out (right as I was flying up Washington State to visit family on my Dad’s side so I was devouring that book on plane rides and shuttles- actually got to visit Forks and ran into people scouting for the movie)

But as I was reading the book, having been educated on what constitutes abusive behavior and thinking about it, things bothered me. Adults falling in love with children who would grow up the mary someone who’d been a father figure. The ways Edward acted more like he was Bella’s dad trying to dictate what she was allowed to do and who she could see. Jacob threatening to kill himself unless Bella loved him (which reminded me of my own experiences with abuse).

I realized on my own that there were things in these books that were messed up.

And the issue with these books isn’t that the relationships were problematic, the issue is the relationships were presented as perfect and healthy and ideal and the unhealthy things were a part of perfection. Proof of how much the guys loved her.

Whereas like Anne Rice’s vampires were all hella problematic and the relationships were all hella unhealthy, but they were never supposed to be seen as ideal. They were supposed to be taboo and messed up and sexy but not perfect.

Romanization isn’t something contains romance, it’s something is presented as ideal/perfect. Twilight sets out to tell an ideal/perfect love story that’s actually kind of creepy and abusive if you step back and think about it.

And the way that you help people realize what’s creepy and unhealthy isn’t blaming potential victims for abuse.

“You like Fifty Shades? So you support abuse? You get off on women being raped? You rape apologist. Rapist”

The concern here is the reader, a woman, who likes Christian might become a VICTIM herself. Why are you treating her like she’s responsible for the mistreatment of women in society.

Because that’s the thing, people who crusade for healthy ships don’t act like they’re educate out of a concern that someone might get hurt because they use bad romance tropes as a dating guide – they attack people as if the readers are the abusers or responsible for abuse.

Which gets kind of victim blamey.

Because if the argument is “what if a girl things it’s ok to date an abusive guy” or “what if a minor things it’s ok to date an older guy” and they get hurt.

It didn’t matter what the VICTIM thought was ok, it is not their fault they were abused. The only one at fault is the sexual predator/abuser who abused them.

And yes, we should educate people on concent and healthy relationships and red flags, but we should do it in a way that doesn’t blame victims for abuse.

And you can enjoy Fifty Shades or Twilight or whatever and get what you get out of it and that’s ok. And if you’re concerned for someone’s safety the approach should be, I don’t know if that would be healthy in real life.

Because if someone says they want whatever fantasy guy, they probably mean they want the certain good aspects of the fantasy.